I have had an Exciting few weeks, few months actually. But I don't want to go into that.

For the past few days Tina and I have been painting the inside of a vancant house. and today we painted the living area. It didn't really look that big , and we thought we could do it before lunch. We got started and realized.. this room was a lot bigger than it looked. It took us all day to get finished, but when we did we felt so proud (at least I did).

I have not felt that feeling of accomplishment in a long time. I think maybe since I graduated highschool. I think as people we tend to not give ourselves credit where we deserve it. That is going to be one of my goals, give myself more credit when I do things.

I think it all basicaily comes down to if we think we do desreve it or not. If we do somthing good we should be able to give ourselves a pat on the back . Why ? because we a child of God and we deserve it . God loves on us. why can we love on ourselves?

this is a song I found by Evanescence it is called Tourniquet. right now it totally explains me .



I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more (so much more)
I lay dying, and I am pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved
Am I too lost?

My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation

Do you remember me?
Lost for so long
Will you be on the other side
Will you forgive me?
I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved
Am I too lost?

My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation

(I want to die)

My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet, return to me salvation
My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverance
Will I be denied?
Christ, tourniquet
My suicide