how many days ago was it when I was saying how good things were going ?

3-4 .. not that many just when I think things are good . I think I have changed .. My life has changed . Another hit comes .

I should be used to it by now I guess , but I am not . I don't think I will ever be .

I feel like .. I don't even know what I feel anymore . I feel helpless . and I can't help but feel responsible , when I know it isn't my fault .. I guess that is just who I am .

I guess this is just what life is all about . Building up and then be knocked back down so you can build up again .

I am tired of rebuilding . every bone in my body is tired . all the hairs on my head are tired . somtimes I wonder if I just left if it would all just go away .